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Wishing Hopeless Dreams I want to go to a place no one knows about, where drums tell stories & bells scream out. Where I am alive and can see without sight.
Never will I gasp my wishes because they disappear; no longer will I sing ballads of joy, 'cause my joy has been stripped down to despair. All signs of light, covered or shot out. Every word from my mouth , drowned out by loud sounds, drastically brash. My hearts stuttered beat makes for painful laughs. Faux smiles keep others lost in my lies. Lies whose mass so extensive they cover planets whole. Lies so true that, lost in some moments, I believe I'm happy too!
I want to vanish & never come back, to appear somewhere that I can only see black. . .Black blues & black browns, black jewels on black crowns. Black homes & black people with black hearts cased in black thoughts. Deep, dark, beautiful BLACK. So thick it has a taste, so rich it has a scent, so dense it can be bent. Black.
I want to be a happier version of myself, in the opinion of what is "self". Id, ego, super ego? I want to belong to me!
Courtney Dionne Farley
Copyright ©2008 Courtney Dionne Farley
Secret My…
Secret "Secret Keeper," daily undressing me. Constantly impressing me, with your wit and character, you're definitely arresting me. Frozen in translation completely enveloping me in mystery almost misery, not knowing you unable to show you the true me.
My…
Issuer of complete satisfaction, giver of gratification, Nimble tongued titan. Carelessly caressing my ego inside And out. Tenaciously tantalizing taking me by surprise. You are a dream, a hot- wet- and steaming dream, a Pleasure device.
My…
Undeniable adventure of absolutely nothing, because You do not know me. You do not notice me. This Fantasy I have concocted in my mind is one of a kind, Hell I haven't felt this way since I last had "nap-time." Cute and fun, it maybe, but this shyness is humiliating!
My…
Secret "Secret Keeper" amusing me from the side lines; in some parts of the hour I wonder if you will ever be mine. No one knows, not even you…not one thing can be proven true. Just as long as I keep you my secret "Secret Keeper." It's been So long since I had a crush, so glad that it's on you!
Courtney Dionne Farley
Copyright ©2008 Courtney Dionne Farley |
Opposition to Transition:
I’m afraid…to be with you, to be as in love as I am, this new place that you’ve showed me is hauntingly real. I’m afraid to let go of me, getting lost in you is such a n adventure I could easily be tangled in your words, gently dangled by your thoughts, and almost strangled by your love.
It’s electric the way your touch stirs my soul, it’s electric how your lips are as rare as gold, it’s electric how you’ve come along and my heart you stole…. You stole…my heart...you stole! Definitely Electric, shockingly still your hand I hold…..
So I try not to overwhelm you with the late night calls and the overstated “I Love You” (s). I try to keep my distance although I find myself dangerously close….painfully close….so very….close.
Almost entirely immersed in you, I bitterly bite my tongue…holding back the masses of emotion, the plethora of devotion, the swelling power of the ocean… that I want to present to you.
What I want to bring to you is US…I want to bring the variety of love that reminds you why you are here, the type of trust that erases all fear, the sort of joy that’ll keep you smiling ear to ear…I want to protect you from pain. I want to give you a child to name. I want to grow with you, old with you, intellectually, spiritually ALL with you. I am your better half as you are mine! I believe it after you’ve said it so many times…..I now claim it as mine.
This is no ordinary love; truly captivating, full of excitement almost enchantment, magically transforming a badly bruised lacerated used and abused heart into something spectacular something capable of love, trust, growth, and spirituality.
All I ask is that you show me loyalty, the loyalty shown by the candle to the fame. Embracing me impeccably in all situations showing no shame. Loving me endlessly , because forever has no name…no end…just infinite possibilities of which we will arrange.
I have experienced a new version of love nothing like before, in a new light I see life and love as so much more…
Courtney Farley ~ Calm B4 Da Storm |
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